Nature v Habit; Unlearning for Your Own Good

"What we call human nature is actually human habit." -Jewel Kilcher
~and~
"The first problem for all of us is not to learn, but to unlearn." -Gloria Steinem

Let's consider the first quote first, after all I typed them that way for a reason. To me, human nature has become nothing more than an excuse for bad behavior. It's defined as "The general psychological characteristics, feelings, and behavioral traits of humankind, regarded as shared by all humans." Consider then, this implies a characteristic of human nature is something everyone has. Everyone. If you really think about that for a moment, it seriously narrows down what characteristics can actually be put under the category of "nature." That leaves everything else to fall in the category of habit, and habits, albeit seemingly constant, are not necessarily permanent, nor are they the same for all individuals. Let me pause for a moment and tell you the story that sparked this blog topic.

If you've read my previous blogs, you would have read about an unfortunate occurrence that happened to me last month. The Veruca Syndrome was about myself, the victim, having my belongings stolen from me just before Christmas. This situation put me in a financial hole that snowballed into me not being able to get my family anything for Christmas, my phone being turned off, and unable to pay my rent, I was nearly evicted. Thankfully, I sit here today still in my apartment, my phone has been turned back on, and my family still loves me. But, I have to tell you, it took a non-stop conscious effort for me to avoid bitterness. Truthfully, I couldn't avoid it all the time, it crept up on me in weak moments and would strike when I least expected. There's the background, here's the story....All of this lack of money had its effects on my toilet paper supply, somehow, that is the first thing I run out of when I'm broke. So last weekend I stop in at a Starbucks, (I had a gift card ha) it was around 8:30pm and the four employees were busy working on everything unless it pertained to a customer. The lady in front of me ordered her coffee, and the girl that took her order proceeded to hand brew the drip coffee because the pots had all already been washed. The lady had already paid and stepped aside. I stood at the register for exactly 5 minutes before the girl even turned around to greet me. When she took my order and I told her I also wanted a regular coffee, she was clearly irritated and said, "Well, it's going to take five minutes at least." I agreed to wait and paid. She made my coffee the same way and ignored the gentleman that had been waiting behind me in the exact same manner she had done with me. (Meanwhile the other employees were still busy washing, cleaning, and who knows what else.) At last I get my coffee, I take off the lid to examine the coffee to soy ratio and there's hardly any soy milk at all. I get the attention of one of the guys working and ask for more soy, the girl who took my order hears me from the register and yells down, "I put the soy on the bottom, it's in there, you just need to stir it." I smile to the guy, and politely ask him to dump out a little of the coffee and add some more soy. The girl leaves the register (and the customer she is helping), takes the cup from him stirs it and says, "See, I told you that you just needed to stir it." I was floored. Did that just happen? I look at her, then at the guy and said, "Please add more." He awkwardly takes the cup, adds more and hands it to me without a word. I wanted to throw the cup in her face, to be honest I didn't even want it anymore, i just wanted to exit the premises as quickly as possible, but all this time in there and I had to use the restroom. I go into the first stall and as I'm sitting my elbow hits the toilet paper holder, it wasn't locked! One full roll sitting on top and two brand new rolls in the holder...unlocked! (I guess the other employees were stocking the restrooms and cleaning.) I look at my purse and think, "surely I could fit at least two rolls in there, these people treated me like shit, I waited 10 minutes for a cup of drip coffee and then got humiliated by someone whose paycheck I helped provide. I have been stolen from, I'm broke, and I need toilet paper. I deserve this." As soon as thought those last three words, it was like I mentally slapped myself in the face. I stared long and hard in the mirror as I washed my hands, almost embarrassed that I had even had the thought in the first place. I took my coffee, smiled at the girl as I left, and climbed into my car, disappointed in my self and toilet paperless.

I spent several days thinking about this topic after my Starbucks fiasco. (Side Note-I do not hold Starbucks liable for the behavior of one employee-but I also won't be stopping at the Starbucks in *cough cough* Kettleman City *cough cough* anymore....*cough*). I tried really hard to wrap my head around what would make me even consider stealing after just having been stolen from, and then I realized, that was the answer. That right there is how it starts...and that my friends is not human nature, THAT is human habit, a vicious little guy I like to call entitlement. "I deserve this." Put yourself in my shoes, would you have felt entitled to the toilet paper in question? If so, don't worry, there's still hope for you, that's where the unlearning comes into play. Trust me, I wanted the toilet paper, and the friends that visit my apartment wish I would've taken it, but as the saying goes, two wrongs don't make a right. Entitlement "issues" come in all forms, how we act or treat people, how we spend money, they way we view the world etc. Ok, so now we know the problem, where's the solution?

Awareness. That's really the solution to so many issues. I guess I'm one of those crazy naive people that still likes to believe that humans as majority are good at heart. (The two guys that stole all my shit are not included in that majority, obviously). If you are in the majority, congratulations, and thank you. It doesn't mean that for those of us who try to be good that negative thoughts don't pop into our heads, (remember, I was two seconds away from Grand Theft TP,) it just means that when those thoughts arise, we have to be aware of them and make a conscious effort to push them aside. Unlearn the urge to feel entitled to anything. Just think of how much more grateful we will be for even the little things, because with entitlement out the window, every positive thing in life becomes a blessing. Let's be honest, feeling blessed is a wonderful habit.

The Veruca Syndrome-I want it NOW!!!

"I want the world. I want the whole world. I want to lock it all up in my pocket. It's my bar of chocolate. Give it to me now." -Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Don't we all get infected with this feeling from time to time? I'm calling it the Veruca Syndrome, and it's a nasty one. You see it comes in all form and many different levels of intensity. It can be over material things, actions we expect from others, or in the worst cases it's simply feeling like you want it all which can be intensified by the impression that you deserve it. The Veruca Syndrome is ugly and very real and unfortunately it's my belief that we all suffer from it. Definition: Selfishness.

Before you get your panties in a bunch and get defensive allow me to elaborate. I am certainly not implying that if we all suffer from the Veruca Syndrome that we are incapable of doing selfless deeds, I am aware that people everywhere are doing extremely selfless things on a daily basis and that is a beautiful thing, however I am fully confident that as human beings it is undeniable that we are born selfish and it takes more effort to overcome selfish feelings and instincts than almost any other negative emotion or action out there. We are born dependent on others for our survival and that is the beginning of it all. Now I'm left having to explain to my 7 year old why she can't have an iPhone even though some kids in her class do. (While I am picturing some little Veruca out there batting her eyelashes at her daddy saying, "I want one daddy, now!" Sucker.) 

So what sparked my desire to write on this topic? Over the weekend I went to visit a friend out of town, in my sisters car which gets far better gas mileage than my POS (and also has a bumper that is properly attached AND power steering to boot!). It was cold and rainy and we were out running errands and he mentioned that a friend of his had lost his car keys in the park. Hushing the Veruca voice in the back of our heads telling us to stay warm and dry, we drove out to the park in search of his friends keys. We parked on the outskirts where they had been days before, and there was only one other truck there. I briefly glance over and see the cab of the truck is filled with questionable smoke-like substance, but my gut says don't look, if you leave them alone they'll leave you alone. We leave the car and walk around the large shrubbery to the clearing and begin looking. As mentioned it was misty and raining, so I left my $400 purse (from the days when I had money haha) and my iPhone in the car so it wouldn't get ruined. We were never farther that 30 yards from the car and walked around for ten minutes. We heard a loud noise resembling gun shots or a car backfire and waited a minute or two before heading back to the car. The scene we arrived upon was nothing short of devastating, a completely shattered passenger window, and all of my things gone in 60 seconds. Including the cash in my wallet that I had just been paid that was meant for Christmas presents for my family and my two little girls. Sucker punch to the heart. 

Do you think the two guys knew for a minute that they were stealing from a single mom sometimes barely getting by, currently with $20 in the bank, a car that runs on hopes and dreams, and no gifts for her children for Christmas? No. What's worse, do you think they even cared? No! The Veruca voice was so loud in their stoned little heads that all they cared about was the fact that they wanted it, NOW. It's been almost 4 days and they haven't been caught yet, although the authorities do have their pictures from Walmart where they attempted to use my debit card to the tune of $300, haha I wish I had that much in there. I'm beginning to accept the fact that more than likely they won't be caught, nor held accountable for their actions and I am left picking up the pieces and realizing we live in a world of Verucas and its going to get worse. 

I don't need to describe all of the emotions I am feeling because chances are you have experienced something like this, we have all had things taken from us. I don't have a solution, I am 30 years old with a grand total of 6 college units from a Political Science and photography class. I can't save the world, none of us can. I have spent the last 48 hours forcing myself to not be bitter, reminding myself that things will work themselves out, that even with so much taken from me I still have so much more. This message isn't for the purpose of venting or whining over my recent misfortune at all. This is a plea to all who will read it. For victims affected by some Veruca out there, don't allow yourself to be hardened, don't look at your misfortune as an excuse to act similarly with others now feeling like you are entitled to it. Do the opposite. My friend graciously gave me $40 so I wouldn't have to drive home with no money and the first thing I did after getting a cup of gas station coffee for the drive was give $2 to the first homeless person I saw on a corner. Why? Not so I could sit here and tell you about it. Not even close. I did it so I could remind myself that I never want to be infected with a full case of Veruca. I never want to get so bitter that I forget that others have it worse. I will choose to keep giving and keep believing that for every bad case of Verucaitice there is someone like myself out there fighting the disease. Fight with me. Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." So be it. I'll end with one of my favorite anonymous quotes that I try and live by daily, "Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty."